Adjustment - kitty not allowed to sleep with us

Hello, first time poster here, long time cat owner. After eleven catless years, my wife finally agreed for us and the kids (7 and 6 years) to have a cat, Maine Coon :)

We've had the cat a month, she is about nine months old, came from a wonderful cattery with many beautiful, loving, well behaved cats. She was according to the owner, the most affectionate cat she ever had, used to sleep with her boys at night.

First night here she was very cuddly and affectionate. Now, she is comfy but basically sleeps by herself, and doesn't come to us much, like I would like and as I am used to by my previous cats who were snuggle buns.

Every cat I ever had was more than welcome to sleep with me in bed, including my former partners. My wife however, as a condition of getting our cat, said she was not allowed to sleep with us, as she is a very light sleeper and due to health issues needs a full and uninterrupted night's sleep. So, the cat sleeps in the big but closed living room at night (in a comfy 'cat hotel') by herself.

I feel very bad about this, and feel that the kitty would bond with us if she could sleep with us, however, due to the agreement, she is never, ever allowed into our bedroom. My wife is very firm on this one, no discussion possible.

Gentle friends, will she ever adjust? Given the situation, is there anything that I/we can do to help her feel loved and wanted and really affectionate and snuggly again? Thanks in advance for any advice and sorry if I am asking a previously asked question.

Hey Jerry, what you are describing is very common as speaking from experience both my MC's have grown from being very affectionate and cuddly with myself and my partner until maturing slightly and growing to like there own space and preferring to show affection in certain areas of the house, or while being fed which is most common.

Over time your Maine Coon will grow to feel more at home in certain areas of the house so by keeping them out of the bedroom this shouldn't effect how affectionate you are together providing they get lots of attention elsewhere in the house. As your wife requires a good nights sleep it's in some ways for the best that the MC has gotten use to being in it's own company as MC's can become restless when sleeping near people and in some cases can grow a dependency on them being around which can make if difficult especially in the event you leave them alone for an evening to their own devices.

So it's a balance really of having your own space away from your MC to provide your wife the sleep she requires and giving your MC lot's of affection when you see her in the morning to let them know you are loving towards them and have lots of affection to offer.

Thanks Jamie! I thought I was going nuts, maybe thinking about this too much as I am used to Very affectionate cats. She gets plenty of attention from us all when we are around, and my six year old daughter is absolutely head over heels over her and gives her attention all the time, as do we all. I'm trying to give her more treats, as she likes that and that is not a bad way of bonding too. Will monitor the situation and report back, could be that she needs more time to adjust, maybe it's a growing phase between kitten and cat, nine months old...

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Originally Posted by JamieHarding

Hey Jerry, what you are describing is very common as speaking from experience both my MC's have grown from being very affectionate and cuddly with myself and my partner until maturing slightly and growing to like there own space and preferring to show affection in certain areas of the house, or while being fed which is most common.

Over time your Maine Coon will grow to feel more at home in certain areas of the house so by keeping them out of the bedroom this shouldn't effect how affectionate you are together providing they get lots of attention elsewhere in the house. As your wife requires a good nights sleep it's in some ways for the best that the MC has gotten use to being in it's own company as MC's can become restless when sleeping near people and in some cases can grow a dependency on them being around which can make if difficult especially in the event you leave them alone for an evening to their own devices.

So it's a balance really of having your own space away from your MC to provide your wife the sleep she requires and giving your MC lot's of affection when you see her in the morning to let them know you are loving towards them and have lots of affection to offer.

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Originally Posted by jerryprague

Thanks Jamie! I thought I was going nuts, maybe thinking about this too much as I am used to Very affectionate cats. She gets plenty of attention from us all when we are around, and my six year old daughter is absolutely head over heels over her and gives her attention all the time, as do we all. I'm trying to give her more treats, as she likes that and that is not a bad way of bonding too. Will monitor the situation and report back, could be that she needs more time to adjust, maybe it's a growing phase between kitten and cat, nine months old...

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No problem at all. Like you say the main thing is she gets attention from you all when you are around and this can help create a bond to the family as a unit as opposed to someone they are used to being near while they sleep.

One note of caution on the store purchased treats side of things. Of course it's fine to give your cat treats now and again as a reward or sparingly but a friend of mine recently had to ween their male MC off a brand called 'Dreamies' due not only to weight issues but to becoming more aggressive over time. Initially they were not sure why there cat was suddenly acting out of character but after a change in diet and the removal of said treats they noticed a vast improvement in mood over the space of a month. So I guess it's always worth reading up online if you are using a certain brand or alternatively check the back of the packet to ensure there are no ingredients your cat can get hooked too.

Keep this updated, will be good to know how things develop!

Well, good news, better news at least. My wife, though very cautious, does under it all have a good heart. Since our kitty has been very well behaved, she let her come into the bedroom to hang out with us! :) She still can't sleep with us due to her sleep issues and not wanting to be woken up, but now at least we can all relax in bed together until she goes to bed. Cat really likes being with us on the bed, and I can see she is happy.

Dreamies... we do give her this for a treat, in limited quantities, one bag will last a few months, so far no behavioural issues :)

Thanks so much again!