I don't think Lili's coming home after all

so ... yeah after all this dreaming, which was nice, I think Lili is staying in France.
the gentleman who looks after Neevie when we're away brought a cat behaviourist with him - who amongst other things declared that Neevie is too unpredictable to bring another kitty into the house with her - I still think it's 50/50 but it's too much of a risk.
I would still bring her if we didn't have to drive 22 hours in total - that's 11 hours to go to Normandy, and 11 back.

So my Mum is very very confident that she can find a forever home for my Lili - and since she has already grown attached to her I think Lili has a little chance to stay with my Mum anyway, due to lack of enthusiasm in her search...

I hope so... going to be really tough loosing the little piece of fluff...

I'm sorry to hear that Lili might not be coming home to you. I hope your mom keeps her - that would be a wonderful solution. I do think you are wise to have made this decision. We had a female MC -Sophie- with a personality much like Neevie's. When she was one yr, we brought 14 week Oscar home so she would have a playmate. They had fun for over a yr but for some reason Sophie had a nasty personality change and took it out on Oscar (who was quite confused by this), us and the house. This included pooping next to the box, hissing when we looked at her and biting. We put her on kitty prosaic (it helped) and acupuncture. We lived with this, trying to do what we could for another year. When grandchildren entered our lives we felt we needed to try to rehome Sophie. We had been in contact with the breeder throughout this ordeal and when we told her we had to do something beyond keeping her drugged, our breeder said she had an older friend that had just lost her cat. Sophie went to live with the friend and there were no more problems!!! I think maybe she just needed a quieter house than ours with no other pet competition. Strange though, how they we such good companions for the first year. OK, that was a long story. Bottom line, I would not wish the difficult decision we had to make - knowing what we had to do while remembering the first couple years of adoring our sweet funny kitty - on anyone. Too painful and the guilt remains 14 years later! I didn't want to say anything before as a friend for Neevie might have been wonderful and I could see how you were so attached to Lili - I am glad you've had a professional opinion but I am sorry about the sad result.

thanks Kim, yes that is the worry - that the Pirate starts by getting on with Lili and then changes... she has had a few changes of personality in the past, for the best thank God! But she IS unpredictable, Lili has a very addictive personality, and if after a while I had to choose between them because they don't get on it would be horrible. HO, who knows my capacity to guilt trip myself to insanity, is also worried about how things would turn out. So yes, it is the best decision, brains win over heart, but much better in the longer run.

I am so sorry for you Alekto but deep down do feel that perhaps things have worked out right,perhaps not from Neevies point of view but Lili,she has been in her present home for quite a while in feline terms & with her bad start in life another new home would be a big move but a long trip too with perhaps a very antisocial friend the other end would be very sad,fingers crossed that mum is now very attatched....
I can't 100% agree with the reasons for not introducing another feline though wether it be the advice of an animal behaviourist or not,normally they will work with you to help sort the problem & make things work although obviously even then there are times when it doesn't but when we took on china the reason the breeder let her go was because she didn't like being a mum & killed her babes,fair enough once she was spayed that was no more problem but the breeders biggest worry was the fact she wouldn't mix with the other cats,hated them {she was hand reared & very spoilt....} & the only way forward her owner could see was to let her live alone with them or try & rehome her along with some other very bad habits she had,we had bad times with her as a lot of people on here will know but when we added baby Bruce into the family & stood with baited breath for the fireworks to start she took the wind out of our sails by going up to him introducing herself & they became the best of friends......every babe that came after that & until we lost her spent their first nights with nannie China & were eased by her into the feline family, I could never have had a more loving girl with them so doesn't always turn out bad.....x

oh that's lovely!
I don't know, my instinct tells me Neevie would love it, Lili is very very very outgoing - not afraid of anything, you know, another kitty came to see my mum, probably about the same age as Lili (I tell ya, they grow on trees there!), and Lili kept jumping on the other kitty and roughing up with him/her - the other kitty has been given to a shelter now. well anyway, I can see Lili jumping on Neevie and just playing with her... Only thing is I may be wrong, and if I am, as you say, 12 hours trip to settle in a life with an antisocial friend that's 3 times bigger, might be a bit depressing for kitty Lili.
So anyway - I think my mind is now made up - although your can't discount any change of mind, I think you have me sussed by now...
thanks for your support and advice in this y'all, very much appreciated! I'll let you know when/if Lili finds another forever home...