Problem with rescue cat

Sorry guys, this is a bit of a long post, please bear with me, I would really appreciate your advice. We have a new rescue cat, Humphrey. As you can see from these pictures, he's gorgeous!

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He was in the local shelter, in a room with 8 other cats, and he was stressed out. He threw himself at us when we walked in and with his big mournful eyes he said 'Please get me out of here!'. Apparently he had been a stray. When I went back to collect him, a new cat had just been put in the room, and Humph had completely lost it, growling and hiding. They had to tip him out of his hiding place and put him in my carrier by the scruff of his neck. A volunteer said 'Crikey are you sure you still want him?' Of course I did, I could see he was just stressed out of his mind.

As soon as I got him home he relaxed. It took 2 weeks for him to stop swearing at and hiding from our old moggy Barney, but one evening we had a bit of a 'Look here Humph, this has GOT to stop, we're all going to GET ON! and after that they were fine together. Humph is not a lap cat and hardly ever purrs, but he would sleep on the bed for a bit at night, have his tummy stroked, be pleased to see you, play wonderful games with his toys in his box, hop in the bath for a drink, etc.

Then a week later, we got Larry. A week after that, we got Monty. Humph by now was allowed outside and he was totally ecstatic about it, climbing trees, killing pigeons and making friends with all the neighbours. He would come in twice a day to eat A LOT of food, and then he was off out again. Whenever he encountered a kitten, he would swear. It was disappointing for us, because the kittens are so nice natured and just want to be friends. They are great mates with Barney. We thought the swearing would ease off after a couple of weeks, but the problem is it's getting worse. Humph is actually becoming more hostile to the kittens and to us. I used to be able to brush him and pick him up (to bring him indoors for the night). He would submit to this kind of close contact without complaint. Now I get warning growls and lots of tail flicking - at a push he will try to bite.

Things came to a head last week when Humph was on the bed upstairs, my OH sat next to him to fuss him for a bit, but then Monty got on the bed and Humph just snapped and lashed out towards Monty. OH had a stern word with Humph and Humph flew away and hid in the cellar. I went to get him out and he had 'gone feral'. I put thick gloves on but he was a ball of fury and I didn't dare pick him up. It was just like the episode in the shelter. In the end I chased him (gently) outside, making sure the doors were open.

I thought, that's it, he'll run away and we won't see him again for days (or ever). But the amazing thing is, that 10 minutes later I went outside, and Humph came running up to me, tail waving, rubbed around me, lots of licks and friendly nibbles! Talk about a Jekyll and Hyde cat!

Humph is clearly a cat who needs lots of personal space and gets very upset if he's not sure of his escape route. We are learning to read his signs and we're very careful not to stress him out. We have reigned our expectations right in. He's around (outside) most of the time and eats like a horse. When he comes in, I sometimes shut the kittens away so that he can relax and eat his dinner. When I meet him outside, he's a joy, he runs down the road with me, leaps in front of me, shows off, rolls over...

Do you have any advice for the best way forward for us with Humph? Should we carry on what we're doing? When the weather gets colder he may want to be inside more, and maybe by then the kittens will have calmed down a bit. Perhaps I should get him an outside shelter? If we had fewer cats and a cat flap I think it would suit him better, so should we rehome him? I believe he's a very nice natured creature underneath, but he just has these issues. We don't know what he's been through, after all. Thanks for reading my post, I'm quite worried about him! :sad2:

It does seem as if Humph prefers not to be in a multi cat household,you could have to make a difficult decision for the sake of you all,he looks a very handsome fella bless him.
Why not keep trying as you are for a bit longer giving him his own space & time & see if he gradually comes round,can you try him again with just one of the others & see if he will start up a friendship & if he gets confidence with that one hopefully he will gradually accept the others even if he doesn't luv them.I think cats not getting on with each other are one of the hardest species to fathom & deal with,there are things like Feliway etc but the fact that he sparked off when put with another cat at the rescue center then settled so well with you to spark off again when more cats appear I feel he is not a happy little person.Not knowing what has happened to him in the past doesn't help the situation either.
Good luck I hope someone on the forum can come up with a answer for you..

From what I read - in my opinion it is obvious that Humph wants to be an only-cat, not one of several... It might be better to give him to a home where he can be the king and only-child. He would not be stressed and you would not be eighter...

" It took 2 weeks for him to stop swearing at and hiding from our old moggy Barney" yeah normal behavior not to worry about

"Then a week later, we got Larry. A week after that, we got Monty." This is hard, especially for a cat that has just arrived and still needs to find his place... And all boys, too... It sounds with Barney alone he would have come along.

Maybe you will find another solution. Letting him be in an outside house, as you mentioned, or something... I don`t find this an ideal solution, but it is your cat.

I don`t want to sound rude. I hope, I did not. Translating everything into English sometimes gives me a hard time.
Bottom line: I really think that you have rescued him was a perfect thing! I also think that finding a good home for him, where he can be a single cat with access to outside would be a perfect thing, too.

Let us know, how things go with Humph! He is beautiful!

Have you got a Feliway plug in they realy help with stress or you can get other stuff have a look on here Bestpet Pharmacy - Anxiety and Stress

Hope you find something he is a super looking chap :smile:

Thanks everyone for your advice. I am feeling a little encouraged today: Humph has been in 3 times and hung around for some titbits of bacon, thanks to Monty stealing a slice off the chopping board. I guess food is a great motivator so he waited in line with the others and got his share. This evening he was thrilled to see me in the garden and did his little dance around me with finger licks and mewing, I thought I'd take a bit of a risk and picked him up for a minute, (he feels absolutely wonderful in the arms, so chunky and muscly!) he stayed calm and I put him back down again before he struggled. So that was OK. Then, most amazing of all, he came in for his dinner, didn't swear at anyone, and instead of asking to go out again, he settled down under the table for a bit of a wash and a nap. He's not done this for a few weeks! Larry and Monty were playing a boisterous game of ping-pong in the other room but Humph wasn't bothered by the noise. He didn't even murmour when they came up and gave him a good sniff. Larry, bless him, even tried to start a game with Humph by giving him a bit of a playful poke, but I moved him on before Humph reacted. Humph stayed put for about an hour, then OH gave him a little stroke, Humph swore (oops, maybe that was a bridge too far!) and soon after he was off outside after a pigeon.

But hey, that's PROGRESS!

It's so sweet, Larry and Monty don't hold a grudge, even though they've been sworn at so many times by Humph they just want to be friends with him and they never give up trying.

What great news,as I have said in another thread when it comes to things like this I always think the old adage "Make haste slowly" is the best thing to work by & fingers crossed that even if they don't all become the best of friends hopefully he will learn to
accept the others & not see them as a threat.
Look forward to updates.

Humph has just come in AGAIN and has settled down in his place under the kitchen table, even though Larry and Monty are snoozing on the kitchen chairs just inches away! We are ignoring them all and pretending it's all perfectly normal, then nipping into the other room to go 'YAY!'

Could be a different story when the kittens wake up and go mental, but still, all good progress!
I am starting to feel less depressed about this. Thanks for all your kind words!

That all sounds encouraging. Don't be depressed about it, I am sure it will all work out in the end. I think your right with ignoring certain actions, they are like children really aren't they, attention, attention, attention. Your doing a great job !

Thanks Harrymc. Humph is like a delinquent teenager: out all night, only comes in to eat all the food and be rude to you! But at the same time you know that behind the facade there is a really nice bit, waiting to come out....

Wow, wonderful news!! I am really glad that it start to turn out that way! Yeah, sometimes they just need just a little more time to get used to something. :) Great!

Hi everyone, thought I'd give you an update on Humph. Well really it's been one step forward and two steps back over the last couple of weeks. We have even got a possible new home pencilled in for him - my mother-in-law's neighbour whose cat died a couple of months ago - she is retired and lives alone although her family visits from time to time. So one person and no other cats. She has a big suburban garden and a cat flap, so plenty of space and easy access. She cooks fresh liver for her cat (she passed on the frozen portions to us when her cat departed). She's on holiday so would be getting a new cat next month when she comes back. If Humph went there we would still hear about him from my mother-in-law and might even see him around when we visit. The head says, Humph would love it there and we'll all be happier. But then Humph comes in, doesn't swear at anyone, and sits down under the table for an hour, and so then the heart says, he's making progress, and we can't part with him!! We have been agonising over this.

However, an interesting thing has started to happen. I am looking after my friend's jack russell terrier this week (Eric!), which I quite often do. Eric is a very nice old lad and a good boy. When Humph asks to come in for his food, he sees Eric, who just stands there wagging his tail, and Humph hesitates. He doesn't panic and run, he just stands on the doorstep, tail swishing, and you can see him thinking, shall I come in or not? The other cats are milling about around Eric, and Humph (so far) has decided to stay in the garden. Then when I'm at work all day (taking Eric with me), Humph has been coming into the kitchen to get his food, but his manners have suddenly improved. Instead of being on edge/hostile, he does the friendly dance around hubby, which up until now you would only ever get in the garden. Can it be that he's thinking, 'great, the dog's not here, and these cats don't seem half as bad by comparison'.

Eric is staying for a week, so fingers crossed Humph will turn a corner! I was worried that having Eric here would put Humph back even more, but it looks like it's bringing him on!

By the way, OH suggested that another cause of Humph's stress might be because the Criminals are unneutered, so they might have a particularly challenging smell to Humph? So when I get them 'done', this might also help?

Oh dear what a hard decision you have to make. The new home does seem ideal for him and I'm sure you would have peace of mind that he was happy there but I understand that parting is hard. In my opinion though I think you would be sensible to let him go. He may be going through a good patch now but like you said he has gone backwards before and if it happens next time you may regret not letting him go to such a nice home when you had the chance. At the end of the day it is only you that suffers - he will be fine and very happy ruling the roost I suspect. Good luck though.

I agree with Karena.
The other home seems to be the best for Humph.

Six penny worth coming in here,I also have to agree,it will be hard but you will know you have done the right thing by him when you get all those reports on how well he has settled...
Once your boys are nutered it doesn't necessarily mean that the threat would be removed,Merlyn was always head boy in our house but since the babes have had their bits removed Shimba has taken over being top cat,it hurt Merl to begin with but respects him now,Bruce is still not too happy but when we start to load them up to go to the cattery he deserts Merl & makes up to Shimba,my best friend !
No reasoning behind any of it but I am sure Humph will love being sole cat again.

Thanks guys. I must admit I tend to agree with you, especially as the new home sounds great for him and we could still follow his progress. But I'm a bit better at saying 'Look, the head wins, let's go with the head!' than the OH, who is very much heart over head!!! After all, heart over head meant we kept Bob all those years ago, scraped him off the street, and heart over head meant we got Monty.... so hard....!

I also think your mother-in-law's neighbour is the best option. As others have said, Humph will be the only cat and get lots of attention. Besides, if it doesn't work out with this lady you can always arrange to take him back. So you'll still have all your options open... the head option and the heart option. :)

Hmm, I think Antonia might have hit on something there. Maybe you could let Humph go to the old lady on a trial basis for a couple of weeks to see how he gets on, but on the understanding you will take him back if it doesn't work out. That way you could give him the chance to see how he is as an only cat.

You're welcome howlinbob. ;)
Please keep us posted on what you're going to do and how things turn out.:smile:

Tonight my in-laws and their neighbour Ann are coming round to collect Humph.

Ann came back from holiday last week so we had to make a decision. After having 3 or 4 weeks to sleep on it, my feeling was that it would be the best thing for Humph long-term. In the end the OH agreed with me. But we both feel very sad about it. OH feels we have failed, but as I keep saying, we did get him out of the shelter and he has been very well cared for here. He's had a whale of a time terrorising the local wildlife and showing off to all the neighbours. And that's exactly what he's going to do in his new home. With a rescue cat you can never tell how it will work out. You don't know what they've been through.

In terms of his behaviour, we've seen no real improvement on balance. Outside, he's engaging, playful, hilarious, loves to show off and get in your way, nips and licks your fingers, follows you around, is generally full of joy. He comes in every day to eat but he either ignores the other cats, or runs at them spitting: it could go either way. Most of the time he makes warning growls at them. What we want is for Humph to be like he is outside, inside! If we had no other cats, he probably would be. I looked at Humph in the kitchen last night, he'd just had his dinner, the other 3 lads were sitting around, and Humph was pacing and grumbling and on edge. I just thought, he doesn't want to be part of the crew, and I don't think he ever will. We should stop fighting it.

The other issue for Humph is access. We are in the process of fully enclosing and cat-proofing our garden, but Humph is an alley cat who likes to come and go, and constantly survey his territory. This is incompatible with 3 confined house/garden cats. Humph may well want to come and go far more often than we notice at the moment.

Finally my mother-in-law said, when you eventually want to go away for the weekend, would you be happy about keeping Humph inside the house for 3-4 days with the others? No, we'd have to have him in a separate room to the others, and it would be a worry, as he'd hate it. It would be like going back to prison for him. I think this point tipped the balance for the OH.

In the end I just said, look, I think we'd be mad to let this great home for Humph slip through our fingers. We will still hear about him and see him occasionally. It's very lucky that this home has come up at all. We will miss him when he's gone, but we will be relieved as well. Larry, Monty, and Barney are a nice tight little crew, the babes have given the pensioner a new lease of life, and Humph will have a home which ticks all his little furry boxes.

Apparently Ann is 'very excited' about taking on Humph. She hasn't made any stipulations, or even seen a picture of him. She's just heard his story, and that's enough for her.

When I first posted about Humph, and you guys said 'rehome', I thought, hang on, that's a bit drastic. But it turns out you were right! Hard, hard decision though. Might be a bit teary later on...

Oh dear :sad1: I think you've tried your best & sounds like Humph will have a lovely happy everafter home, still sad & hard though xxx

Of course you haven't failed Humph... quite the contrary! You have made a decision that will make four cats and a nice cat-loving lady very happy.:smile:

I hope she will instantly fall in love with Humph tonight. But judging from the pictures I think she will... who could resist such a fine looking fellow!:koolkat:

Good luck and keep us posted.
Anna

Thanks Louie and Antonia. I'm still at work but OH rang to say Humph's already gone. He got Humph in at lunchtime with the intention of keeping him in until this evening, but he was getting more and more grumpy so OH rang his parents and said, come round now if you can! So they did. Perhaps better that I wasn't there. I still have Humphs vaccination certificate and microchip stuff, so that's an excuse to drop round with them and see how the lad is getting on!

Apparently when Ann and the in-laws arrived, Humph obligingly spat at the kittens. It showed that we weren't making it up! I'd hate her to think that we were offloading our moggy because we've got pedigree cats now, thanks. And it didn't put her off at all, phew!

Out for dinner tonight with friends, that will cheer us up!

Good for you making the hard but right descion I am sure for you all.
Humph has got a lot to thank you for & hopefully in a few weeks you will be able to post how happy & settled he is with Ann,good ending all round....

Hey, Howlinbob, hope you're doing okay.

You've really done the only good option available to you and to Humph; you saved him from the shelter, showed him that it's possible to be loved and cared for by people again; okay, so he couldn't get along with the Crew, but you gave him the opportunity and encouragement to try. It just wasn't for him. Some people like to dance. Some people like to party. Some people fiddle with geeky technology - not everything suits everyone, and you've been brave enough to do the right thing for him AND the Crew.

At the risk of sounding like the proverbial tree hugger, I'm also a bit of a fatalist, and believe most things happen for a reason... Ann lost a beloved pet around the same time you found Humph; perhaps your role in his life was to make sure he got the best home that he could. In which case, hard as it may be, you've done a good job.

Clearly it's not been easy, but well done.

Karen, you put into words what I would like to have said but didn't know how to write it ! I totally agree. Howlinbob, big, big hugs, from us, you will find out one day that you have done the right thing I am sure of it xx

Thanks so much everyone. We really miss Humph being around especially as we're doing lots of work in the garden this week. But I've heard from Ann that Humph is making a good impression: he's sniffed all over the house, eaten his food, (fresh minced meat would you believe, as well as wet and dry cat food!) slept under the bed (so the no-bedroom rule she used to have has already gone to pot!), has pushed at the cat flap but it was locked, so he's clocked it for when he's allowed to go outside. Ann says she's 'absolutely intrigued' by Humph. So this all bodes well.

I told a friend of mine that I was sad because we had re-homed Humph. She was a bit upset with me, and said she would have had him like a shot, as he was her favourite, and why hadn't I mentioned it to her! Well, it did occur to me but I wouldn't want Humph to go there. She lives in a big detached house in the woods, but she has 3 young children, a cat and a dog, and no cat flap. And her husband doesn't want any more animals (or kids!). She might really like Humph, but I don't think it would be fair to home him where one of his carers doesn't really want him, and the other hasn't really got time. Her cat is very thin and needs worming. When they go away, I feed her cat, and they leave tins of food out but no dish or plate to put it on! They just feed him on the doorstep, right off the stone slab! I just think this shows a level of contempt for the cat which I'm not comfortable with.

So, I didn't say any of that to her!

Wow... the report from Ann sounds good! Sounds like Humph is already getting his feet under the table, so to speak.:winkwink:

And I think you were absolutely right about not rehoming him with your friend. I know I wouldn't have.

Great news he sounds like he's going to be very happy :smile:

This lot like a portion of raw mince turkey of pork saves opening pouches all the time to :nod: & Louie will eat anything :LOL:

Hope your friend doesn't read the forum....! Have to agree with your reasons though, it looks as if you would have put Humph into a far worse situation bless him.
Think I would take a couple of my own dishes along if I was looking after her cat & just say "Oops you must have forgotten to leave the dishes out" & forget to take them home & see what happens next time you looked after the poor thing,you have to feel really sorry for it because it sounds as if its life is only just an exsistance,bet it loves it when they are away & you take over.

Another good call, Howlinbob.

I cannot understand the point of having a pet - of any kind - if you're not going treat it like one of the family... Don't get me wrong, I am personally not a fan of the other 'Paris Hilton' extreme, but it's a living, breathing creature, that has needs; why would you get one if you weren't prepared to provide for it fully?? It's not like getting unexpectedly pregnant... I've never heard anyone say "yeah, we've got a cat/dog/hamster/snake/giraffe, but we didn't plan him/her/it, but what can you do?". You have to make a concious choice to ether go find one, go rescue one, or invite a waif and stray into your home. Pointless.

Rant over, I'm now stepping AWAY from the soap box...

Sounds like Humph is going to be happy in his new home and will never know your sadness at letting him go, but I think you should be proud of yourself for being brave enough to let him go. All you need to do is to think how happy and relaxed he sounds already and how he has clicked with his new owner. It was a tough call for you but in the end you followed your desire for Humph to be happy rather than keeping on trying to bring him into the gang. Big hugs to you and happy thoughts to Humph xx

Here is a Humph update: after 5 days in his new home, Ann has now asked for Humph's paperwork as he has his 'check-in' appointment at her vet's next Friday! Isn't this great. Surely it means he is 'well in there' with his paws under the table. He has his own basket at the top of the stairs although he sleeps under Ann's bed, and he has his box for playing in downstairs. He used to LOVE playing in a box at my house!!! She is going to keep him inside for 2 more weeks. This is wonderful, it's just what I wanted for Humph. This is his forever home. This makes all the agonising worthwhile.

THANK YOU everyone for your kind and supportive comments. You have really helped!
Lots of love Louisa xxx aka Howlinbob xxxx

Wonderful! I am so happy for Humph and that everything turned out so well! Humph will be one very happy boy there, as it sounds!!!!:nod::nod:

:smile:

I'm so pleased it's worked out well for Humph. Definitely sounds like the right decision for him, even though it was hard for you.

Great news! :jubilant:

I agree,sounds as if Humph has landed on all four paws,well done to you for letting it happen...

That's great news Louisa !!!! so pleased it's the best news possible. I love it when a plan comes together ! x