Dear Cat, Some House Rules .....

[catslave]

..... please observe them (as if)

The toilet is neither a water bowl, a swimming pool or a cat bed, please keep out / off it. Refusing to get out of the toilet when I need to use it is another big no no.

The kitchen is not self service. I will feed you regularly there is no need for you to help yourself. Also as you have learnt to open the fridge would you mind learning to close it again please.

My dinner plate is not an extention of your food bowl. I don't put my hands in your food so would appreciate your not putting your paws in mine.

It is actually my bed, I don't mind sharing but would appreciate some room. Stealing pillows and attempting to dig through the quilt are not acceptable behaviour. Dropping toys on me as I attempt to sleep should be avoided. I have a perfectly good alarm clock it is not necessary for you to swipe at my nose when you think I should get up.

Any household item that should have water in it should not have a cat in it. This includes sinks, baths, buckets etc.

Just because I go in the kitchen does not automatically mean you are going to get fed.

Your presents in my shoes are not necessary.

I am imposing a speed limit inside the house. There is no need to run everywhere at top speed. 20lb of cat thumping into your legs does actually hurt a lot.

The mop is not a cat toy.

It is normal to walk on top of the stairs not climb the underside swiping at ankles.

Balancing on top of the tv with your tail covering half the screen is no longer funny.

Anyone coming to the door it not necessarily the enemy and does not have to be hissed at.

Feel free to add. ...

[pralinehalo]

To add:

My toes and other extremities are not edible.

If you lie across the stair I am about to step on, covering it with your enormous length, then I will not be able to proceed further down the stairs and you will not be fed.

Baths are good for you, smelly cat.

[Helen & John]

When the alarm goes off I need to switch it off not pat your head
My hair bands and clips are for my hair not for hiding under the freezer
I may win on the lottery some day so please do not think the ticket is yours by right
The wardrobe is where I keep my clothes away from your hair, not somewhere for you to sleep

[Helen & John]

Oops I forgot an important one.................
Tissues are not for shredding

[MickB]

Please stop trying to prove me wrong when i tell you that the curtain poles are not designed to take the weight of a fully grown Maine Coon.....
If I leave the delivery of cat food unattended for a few minutes, please do not "help" me by opening them (at the bottom of the bag...with your claws)
I would rather you didn't rename the icons on my PC desktop ue98fdhflkdsludfi998908poijjjjj'df'hhhhhhhhhhhheuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
Your kibbles really hurt when i stand on them in bare feet, so if you could leave them in your food bowl i would really appreciate it.
Your little toy mouse is already dead, please stop trying to drown it in the water fountain.

[jckkerrison]

The two settees we now own were not both intended for cats the intention was that at least one of us had somewhere to sit.
The baskets in the kitchen units are not new scratching posts.
The flowers in the back garden were put in those place intentionally.
Furballs do not have to be ejected either in the middle of the bed or halfway down hall where bare feet find them,in your own room please.
Shopping bag is heavy enough on way home without added weight before we start.
Plus just about everything else posted here,how many of us sat nodding heads as we read through feeling very pleased that others out there who belong to MC's suffer the same daily problems...x

[pralinehalo]

Social networking sites are for human use only, gheajtrj532q436547y4w6urthr makes no sense to anyone other that yourself.

My laptop is not a launching post or your operations base.

My hair is not a toy.

Farting in someone's face is not socially acceptable. Nor is farting, looking at someone else with dagger-eyes as if it was them and then stalking off looking offended.

I love my MC :D

[dave]

Please note also when, on the rare occassion I decide to wear shorts, I am not presenting you with two new scratching/biting/chasing and nibbling posts. These are legs and you must appreciate we need these fully functional in order to bring you food, play chase etc. etc.

[Fozzie]

Each time I open or rustle a packet or tin whilst standing at the kitchen counter does not give you full permission to launch yourself, as if from a canon, at one hundred miles an hour across the kitchen and onto my body.

The bottom stair is not designated for your use only - even if it is a great place to watch us fly through the air whilst we try to avoid you.

[missye87]

- My bed sheets are not scratching poles
- My lovely leather sofas are not things to help with your traction while hurtling around the house
- My make-up basket is mine. It does not contain anything that is yours of for your perusal (yes you, Storm!)
- My choc milk is off limits (Benji!)
- Do not attempt to sit on my plate when I'm eating just so you can claim the food for youself